It felt like an eternity for the anesthesiologist to arrive. Looking back I know it was only about 30 minutes, but in my head it was hours. Before going into the hospital, I was terrified of getting an epidural. I couldn't imagine letting someone stick a needle in my back. They kicked out Ben, my sister, and Cally. They don't allow anyone in the room with you when you get an epidural. When it actually came time to get it, I slept through most of it. I was so tired I couldn't hold my eyes open. It took about 15 minutes for the medicine to kick in and then Walker's heartbeat dropped.
The nurse stuck an oxogen mask on me and pulled me on my side. His heart rate still wouldn't come up. She stuck a monitor on his head by going through my cervix, he pulled it off repeatedly. I have never felt so terrible in my life and if I'm being honest I still feel like a terrible parent. I bawled because I realized that it was my fault he was in distress. When Ben came back in, he could tell something was wrong. They finally stabilized his heart rate, but I had to stay on my side for the rest of my labor experience. The nurse also gave me a catheter which is something I never want to experience again.
For the next 3 hours I slept. At 5am the nurse came in and said that my midwife wanted to start me on pitocin (at this point I was a 9). Before they started the drip, she took my temperature. It was 99.9. My water had been broken since 2am the previous day and a fever is a sign of an infection. She got me some tylenol to combat the fever, but she dropped the c-section word. She told me that once I hit 24 hours they would have to c-section me, so I quickly realized that I needed to get Walker out now. At 9am, one of the machines in my room started beeping repeatedly. I just laid there waiting for a nurse and finally I called for one. The beeping machine, I quickly learned, was my epidural. My epidural was running out. Within 5 minutes of the nurse leaving to call the anesthesiologist my contractions came back full force. Now, this is the cruelest thing to do to someone. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. After what felt like forever, I was given a new epidural bag and a shot of some sort of local anesthetic to take the edge off.
As soon as the pain melted away again (around 9:30am) my midwife showed up! I was so happy to see her! She checked me and said I was complete and while it may be best to wait awhile because he was still pretty high up, I could start pushing whenever I felt pressure. I decided to wait a bit and rest up. I had very little sleep in the past 20 hours. I knew I needed an hour of rest or so more, but my body had other plans. Soon after my midwife left to go see other patients, I started to feel intense pressure. I couldn't even begin to explain how painful it was. I called for my midwife and by 10:30 she was there and I was all prep to push. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed. I wish I could remember every second of that time. I know there was a lot of pain. I know Ben was running from behind the doctor back up to my side to tell me how much he loved me and how strong I was. I remember asking for water. I also remember the ring of fire (the crude term for crowning). Finally, I remember my midwife asking me if I wanted to deliver my son and in that split second I reached down and pulled him to my chest.
He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I instantly started crying, while he remained silent and just stared straight into my eyes. I can't explain how it feels to become a mother, but that moment was worth everything. I loved him with everything I had. Walker Michael was born at 11:00am exactly on October 29th, 2013. While my birth wasn't exactly how I planned it, my son was perfect and that was the most important thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment