Saturday, December 28, 2013
Walker photo dump *birth-2 months*
I want to do this every month, but since I have been MIA for the last 8 weeks this one will be a little overwhelming! From birth to 8 weeks, here are some of my favorite photos of my boy <3
How crunchy are you?
So over the last 8 weeks I have discovered that I am way more "crunchy" of a mom then I thought I would be.
I never really gave the idea of being "crunchy" a chance. It was just something that never crossed my mind. Since having Walker/being pregnant, Ben and I have changed a lot of the things we thought we would be as parents.
A few examples:
-I never wanted to make Walker's food, now I plan on doing it plus making them organic.
-I wasn't interested in baby wearing, I now own 2 carriers and wear as often as possible.
-Attachment parenting for the win!
-I thought we would use the cry it out method, I now find it cruel.
-I'm considering extended breastfeeding.
-I breastfeed on demand
-I want to encapsulate my placenta next pregnancy.
That's just the last 8 weeks really. I can't imagine how much for crunchy I may become! I truly love reading about it as well (if your a crunchy momma list any good books you know!)
I have made these choices for my family because I feel that they are what is best for them. There are aspects of what is considered "crunchy" that we don't practice. I will list a few of those as well.
-We aren't cosleeping. I don't feel that I personally can safely co sleep. Walker sleeps in his rock n' play next to our bed though. He is within reach at all times.
-We are vaccinating, though I say that with a grain of salt. I have chosen to fully vaccinate at this point in time. My conscience tells me that this is the right thing to do for my son.
-We chose to have Walker circumcised (I will make a post about this later)
Those are really the BIG ones that we have gone against. In all honesty though I think that parenting is technique not a method. You can take a little from this and a little from that and develop your own technique. Parenting is hard regardless of how you do it. In the end, us mothers just need to pat ourselves on the back. We deserve to feel confident in our parenting choices. What works for me, might not work for my friends (another post for later).
At the end of the day, give yourself a glass of wine and a congratulations. You are doing a wonderful job.
I never really gave the idea of being "crunchy" a chance. It was just something that never crossed my mind. Since having Walker/being pregnant, Ben and I have changed a lot of the things we thought we would be as parents.
A few examples:
-I never wanted to make Walker's food, now I plan on doing it plus making them organic.
-I wasn't interested in baby wearing, I now own 2 carriers and wear as often as possible.
-Attachment parenting for the win!
-I thought we would use the cry it out method, I now find it cruel.
-I'm considering extended breastfeeding.
-I breastfeed on demand-I want to encapsulate my placenta next pregnancy.
That's just the last 8 weeks really. I can't imagine how much for crunchy I may become! I truly love reading about it as well (if your a crunchy momma list any good books you know!)
I have made these choices for my family because I feel that they are what is best for them. There are aspects of what is considered "crunchy" that we don't practice. I will list a few of those as well.
-We aren't cosleeping. I don't feel that I personally can safely co sleep. Walker sleeps in his rock n' play next to our bed though. He is within reach at all times.
-We are vaccinating, though I say that with a grain of salt. I have chosen to fully vaccinate at this point in time. My conscience tells me that this is the right thing to do for my son.
-We chose to have Walker circumcised (I will make a post about this later)
Those are really the BIG ones that we have gone against. In all honesty though I think that parenting is technique not a method. You can take a little from this and a little from that and develop your own technique. Parenting is hard regardless of how you do it. In the end, us mothers just need to pat ourselves on the back. We deserve to feel confident in our parenting choices. What works for me, might not work for my friends (another post for later).
At the end of the day, give yourself a glass of wine and a congratulations. You are doing a wonderful job.
The catch up game!
I am so ready to start blogging about my mommy life! I have missed blogging quite a lot over the past 8 weeks and I have so much to catch everyone up on!
Walker will be 2 months old on Sunday! I can't believe how quickly he has grown. I will be doing monthly posts on that for sure. We also started cloth diapering yesterday (love it so far!) and I have begun to do my research on Attachment parenting. I am very enthusiastic about it and have just began my reading on the topic so i'm sure there will be posts about that!
I have fallen into the role of stay at home mom. For as much as I love this time with my boy, I am very excited to begin working next fall. I am looking into adoption agencies hoping to find a job within that part of my field.
Ben and I have had a rocky start to parenthood. We stopped communicating when Walker was born and have since resulted in a lot of tension in our relationship. We are working through it. I have become incredibly sensitive and take everything he says as an attack. I know that the blame isn't entirely on me, but that is something I need to begin working on. I have to remember that I am a better mommy when I am a good wife.
Ben and I are going to start working out together! I want to lose 50 pounds this year and as my new years resolution I want to work out 3x a week. I am hoping to start a weekly check in with myself to hold myself accountable! My friends and I are also participating in the color run again in April, but this time we want to run it! I start training for that the first of January as well.
Ryder has taken to Walker for the most part. He isn't entirely happy about his arrival, but he doesn't hate him either. I figure within time they will grow to love each other.
Thats about it! I swear I'm jumping back on the wagon and promise at least a post a week! Here's some of Walker's newborn pictures since I never posted them!
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Walker will be 2 months old on Sunday! I can't believe how quickly he has grown. I will be doing monthly posts on that for sure. We also started cloth diapering yesterday (love it so far!) and I have begun to do my research on Attachment parenting. I am very enthusiastic about it and have just began my reading on the topic so i'm sure there will be posts about that!
I have fallen into the role of stay at home mom. For as much as I love this time with my boy, I am very excited to begin working next fall. I am looking into adoption agencies hoping to find a job within that part of my field.
Ben and I have had a rocky start to parenthood. We stopped communicating when Walker was born and have since resulted in a lot of tension in our relationship. We are working through it. I have become incredibly sensitive and take everything he says as an attack. I know that the blame isn't entirely on me, but that is something I need to begin working on. I have to remember that I am a better mommy when I am a good wife.
Ben and I are going to start working out together! I want to lose 50 pounds this year and as my new years resolution I want to work out 3x a week. I am hoping to start a weekly check in with myself to hold myself accountable! My friends and I are also participating in the color run again in April, but this time we want to run it! I start training for that the first of January as well.
Ryder has taken to Walker for the most part. He isn't entirely happy about his arrival, but he doesn't hate him either. I figure within time they will grow to love each other.
Thats about it! I swear I'm jumping back on the wagon and promise at least a post a week! Here's some of Walker's newborn pictures since I never posted them!
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Walker's birth (part 2)
It felt like an eternity for the anesthesiologist to arrive. Looking back I know it was only about 30 minutes, but in my head it was hours. Before going into the hospital, I was terrified of getting an epidural. I couldn't imagine letting someone stick a needle in my back. They kicked out Ben, my sister, and Cally. They don't allow anyone in the room with you when you get an epidural. When it actually came time to get it, I slept through most of it. I was so tired I couldn't hold my eyes open. It took about 15 minutes for the medicine to kick in and then Walker's heartbeat dropped.
The nurse stuck an oxogen mask on me and pulled me on my side. His heart rate still wouldn't come up. She stuck a monitor on his head by going through my cervix, he pulled it off repeatedly. I have never felt so terrible in my life and if I'm being honest I still feel like a terrible parent. I bawled because I realized that it was my fault he was in distress. When Ben came back in, he could tell something was wrong. They finally stabilized his heart rate, but I had to stay on my side for the rest of my labor experience. The nurse also gave me a catheter which is something I never want to experience again.
For the next 3 hours I slept. At 5am the nurse came in and said that my midwife wanted to start me on pitocin (at this point I was a 9). Before they started the drip, she took my temperature. It was 99.9. My water had been broken since 2am the previous day and a fever is a sign of an infection. She got me some tylenol to combat the fever, but she dropped the c-section word. She told me that once I hit 24 hours they would have to c-section me, so I quickly realized that I needed to get Walker out now. At 9am, one of the machines in my room started beeping repeatedly. I just laid there waiting for a nurse and finally I called for one. The beeping machine, I quickly learned, was my epidural. My epidural was running out. Within 5 minutes of the nurse leaving to call the anesthesiologist my contractions came back full force. Now, this is the cruelest thing to do to someone. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. After what felt like forever, I was given a new epidural bag and a shot of some sort of local anesthetic to take the edge off.
As soon as the pain melted away again (around 9:30am) my midwife showed up! I was so happy to see her! She checked me and said I was complete and while it may be best to wait awhile because he was still pretty high up, I could start pushing whenever I felt pressure. I decided to wait a bit and rest up. I had very little sleep in the past 20 hours. I knew I needed an hour of rest or so more, but my body had other plans. Soon after my midwife left to go see other patients, I started to feel intense pressure. I couldn't even begin to explain how painful it was. I called for my midwife and by 10:30 she was there and I was all prep to push. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed. I wish I could remember every second of that time. I know there was a lot of pain. I know Ben was running from behind the doctor back up to my side to tell me how much he loved me and how strong I was. I remember asking for water. I also remember the ring of fire (the crude term for crowning). Finally, I remember my midwife asking me if I wanted to deliver my son and in that split second I reached down and pulled him to my chest.
He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I instantly started crying, while he remained silent and just stared straight into my eyes. I can't explain how it feels to become a mother, but that moment was worth everything. I loved him with everything I had. Walker Michael was born at 11:00am exactly on October 29th, 2013. While my birth wasn't exactly how I planned it, my son was perfect and that was the most important thing.
The nurse stuck an oxogen mask on me and pulled me on my side. His heart rate still wouldn't come up. She stuck a monitor on his head by going through my cervix, he pulled it off repeatedly. I have never felt so terrible in my life and if I'm being honest I still feel like a terrible parent. I bawled because I realized that it was my fault he was in distress. When Ben came back in, he could tell something was wrong. They finally stabilized his heart rate, but I had to stay on my side for the rest of my labor experience. The nurse also gave me a catheter which is something I never want to experience again.
For the next 3 hours I slept. At 5am the nurse came in and said that my midwife wanted to start me on pitocin (at this point I was a 9). Before they started the drip, she took my temperature. It was 99.9. My water had been broken since 2am the previous day and a fever is a sign of an infection. She got me some tylenol to combat the fever, but she dropped the c-section word. She told me that once I hit 24 hours they would have to c-section me, so I quickly realized that I needed to get Walker out now. At 9am, one of the machines in my room started beeping repeatedly. I just laid there waiting for a nurse and finally I called for one. The beeping machine, I quickly learned, was my epidural. My epidural was running out. Within 5 minutes of the nurse leaving to call the anesthesiologist my contractions came back full force. Now, this is the cruelest thing to do to someone. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. After what felt like forever, I was given a new epidural bag and a shot of some sort of local anesthetic to take the edge off.
As soon as the pain melted away again (around 9:30am) my midwife showed up! I was so happy to see her! She checked me and said I was complete and while it may be best to wait awhile because he was still pretty high up, I could start pushing whenever I felt pressure. I decided to wait a bit and rest up. I had very little sleep in the past 20 hours. I knew I needed an hour of rest or so more, but my body had other plans. Soon after my midwife left to go see other patients, I started to feel intense pressure. I couldn't even begin to explain how painful it was. I called for my midwife and by 10:30 she was there and I was all prep to push. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed. I wish I could remember every second of that time. I know there was a lot of pain. I know Ben was running from behind the doctor back up to my side to tell me how much he loved me and how strong I was. I remember asking for water. I also remember the ring of fire (the crude term for crowning). Finally, I remember my midwife asking me if I wanted to deliver my son and in that split second I reached down and pulled him to my chest.
He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I instantly started crying, while he remained silent and just stared straight into my eyes. I can't explain how it feels to become a mother, but that moment was worth everything. I loved him with everything I had. Walker Michael was born at 11:00am exactly on October 29th, 2013. While my birth wasn't exactly how I planned it, my son was perfect and that was the most important thing.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Walker's birth story (part 1)
Whew! Sorry it has taken me so long to get through this. I never expected having a newborn who does nothing but sleep all day to take up so much time!
We went in on October 27th at midnight to be induced. My blood pressure was continually rising and I was in the prehypertension stage. Even though I was really against induction, I knew that the most important thing was having a healthy baby and keeping myself healthy. We went in at midnight with the plan being 1) to start cytotec every 4 hours to help ripen my cervix, 2) Monday morning (10/28) my midwife would break my water, 3) I would progress into labor naturally without needing pitocin. If you have read my other posts, you know that my plan was always to have a natural birth.
The cytotec was administered every 4 hours through out Monday morning with the last dose given orally. My cervix did not react. I had a few minor contractions and chilled with my family in the delivery room all Monday morning. Finally at 2pm my midwife decided to break my water. I was 2 cm dilated. I remember thinking that he was never going to come, in fact my midwife jokingly threw around the phrase "cervix of steel" a few times.
Now what they don't tell you is that once they break your water, shit gets real. This is the moment I would say labor started for real. I went from having minor contractions to having "holy S&%! I think my uterus is going to fall out" contractions. I started out in the bed gripping the hand rails and groaning (why is it that women in labor fixate on a noise? I have no idea but it sure did help at the time!). Ben was a fantastic birth partner. He continuously reminded me to breath. He was also amazing at telling me how strong I was and how much he loved me.
Things progressed slowly. I was checked every 4ish hours just to be told I had made little to no progress. I tried the birth ball, walking, sitting, swaying with holding on to Ben, a shower, and kneeling on the bed. Nothing and I mean nothing was helping. I did everything I had been taught in my Bradley classes to do. I was getting seriously discouraged. When I hit 5 cm around 9PM Monday night, I gave in to IV drugs.
I will NEVER get IV drugs again during labor. I felt drunk. I couldn't concentrate on anything happening around me and I could still feel every contraction. It was terrible. I actually ended up getting them twice hoping they would help the second time around again, in which I was terribly terribly wrong.
After I came out of my second round of IV drugs, I was in the transition part of labor. Since I had called for the IV drugs, my body never had a chance to prepare for how much more difficult labor had become. At this point it was around 12 PM, I swayed with Ben for the next two hours, making a "shhh" sound. This seemed to help the pain at the time. I was feeling incredible pressure around 1 AM Tuesday morning and I had my nurse check me (who by the way was amazing. I was so lucky to have such an amazing nurse who supported my birth plan 100%). I was only 8 cm dilated. I continued my swaying in hopes to progress further. At 2 AM the pressure was still there, I was sure I was almost at a 10. I had her check me again, I was still at an 8. At this point I knew I needed to throw in the towel. My body was no longer progressing (I had been at an 8 for 4 hours at this point). I knew what I needed to do and I need to stop fighting it. I called for an epidural.
We went in on October 27th at midnight to be induced. My blood pressure was continually rising and I was in the prehypertension stage. Even though I was really against induction, I knew that the most important thing was having a healthy baby and keeping myself healthy. We went in at midnight with the plan being 1) to start cytotec every 4 hours to help ripen my cervix, 2) Monday morning (10/28) my midwife would break my water, 3) I would progress into labor naturally without needing pitocin. If you have read my other posts, you know that my plan was always to have a natural birth.
The cytotec was administered every 4 hours through out Monday morning with the last dose given orally. My cervix did not react. I had a few minor contractions and chilled with my family in the delivery room all Monday morning. Finally at 2pm my midwife decided to break my water. I was 2 cm dilated. I remember thinking that he was never going to come, in fact my midwife jokingly threw around the phrase "cervix of steel" a few times.
Now what they don't tell you is that once they break your water, shit gets real. This is the moment I would say labor started for real. I went from having minor contractions to having "holy S&%! I think my uterus is going to fall out" contractions. I started out in the bed gripping the hand rails and groaning (why is it that women in labor fixate on a noise? I have no idea but it sure did help at the time!). Ben was a fantastic birth partner. He continuously reminded me to breath. He was also amazing at telling me how strong I was and how much he loved me.
Things progressed slowly. I was checked every 4ish hours just to be told I had made little to no progress. I tried the birth ball, walking, sitting, swaying with holding on to Ben, a shower, and kneeling on the bed. Nothing and I mean nothing was helping. I did everything I had been taught in my Bradley classes to do. I was getting seriously discouraged. When I hit 5 cm around 9PM Monday night, I gave in to IV drugs.
I will NEVER get IV drugs again during labor. I felt drunk. I couldn't concentrate on anything happening around me and I could still feel every contraction. It was terrible. I actually ended up getting them twice hoping they would help the second time around again, in which I was terribly terribly wrong.
After I came out of my second round of IV drugs, I was in the transition part of labor. Since I had called for the IV drugs, my body never had a chance to prepare for how much more difficult labor had become. At this point it was around 12 PM, I swayed with Ben for the next two hours, making a "shhh" sound. This seemed to help the pain at the time. I was feeling incredible pressure around 1 AM Tuesday morning and I had my nurse check me (who by the way was amazing. I was so lucky to have such an amazing nurse who supported my birth plan 100%). I was only 8 cm dilated. I continued my swaying in hopes to progress further. At 2 AM the pressure was still there, I was sure I was almost at a 10. I had her check me again, I was still at an 8. At this point I knew I needed to throw in the towel. My body was no longer progressing (I had been at an 8 for 4 hours at this point). I knew what I needed to do and I need to stop fighting it. I called for an epidural.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
He's here!
Walker Michael was born 10/29/13 at 11am. He weighed 8 pounds 14 ounces, 21 3/4 inches long. Birth story to come! Here are some pictures to hold you over :)
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Ways to irritate a pregnant woman
I like to think I am a pretty non hormonal pregnant woman, at least I was the last few months. Lately, when someone looks at me I can feel my devil horns sticking out.
While (if you have ever met a pregnant woman) you know it's not hard to do a few keys things to irritate her. I want to compile a blog post so we can nip this in the bud and allow all pregnant women everywhere to enjoy the final weeks of their pregnancy. Some of these I know are felt universally by most pregnant women and some will only pertain to my life. Regardless don't break the cardinal sins of pregnancy etiquette.
1. do not call and ask "have you had the baby yet?"
I can assure you when I do, someone will call you. This is especially true if you are a family member.
2.do not say "oh, I bet you must be miserable!"
Carrying around an extra person for the last 9 months has been a few things, but hearing that I am miserable and must be "dying for labor" is really annoying. Personally, I like having my son in my belly. NO amount of uncomfortableness will make me agree that I should just "be induced" out of convince.
3. do not tell me which days I can have him
Guess what? I am not in charge here. I can't work around your vacation, or work schedule, or when your dog is in a beauty pageant. The little guy floating in my belly is in charge, and he will come out when he is damn good and ready regardless of whether or not it fits into your schedule.
4. do not tell me "you should just be induced"
Um, women have been doing this for centuries. My body knows what my son needs and he knows when its time to gtfo. If he is still in there, he has a reason to be. Trust me.
5. dont blame things on the hormones
If you walk into my house and I am bawling on the floor, do NOT ask me if I am hormonal today. Simply hug me, say everything will be ok, and back away slowly. Only I can blame my raging hormones.
6. do not steal money out of my bank account
For the love of all things holy, we found a fake check on our bank account today. NOthing can be done about it till Monday. I am having this baby in two days (hopefully sooner), people. Do not make me go crazy on you.
7. Do not tell me about your L&D horror story
Oh hell no. Do not ever do this to a women who is less then a week from her due date. I do not want to hear about what part of your body hurt the worst, how many stitches you had, that your baby was born blue, or you comparing the pain to breaking 500 bones at once. I am well aware that something could go wrong, it's one of my greatest fears and bring up those fears repeatedly is not helping me.
8. when you think you have a witty pregnant comment, hold it in.
I have heard everything from "are you STILL pregnant?" to "you look like you swallowed a watermelon" I assure you that you are not funny. I know what I look like, thank you.
9. don't ask me if I am in labor yet.
If I stop walking because my kid headbutts my cervix, I can't breath due to the weight on my lungs, or I need a second to sit because I'm carrying around an extra 30 pounds, it does NOT mean I am in labor. It doesn't mean my water broke or that I am going to pop a baby out at any second. Don't ask, I can promise that you will know if I am having serious contractions.
10. Everything is fine in moderation
I know everyone around me is excited. Hell I am so excited, but this is my daily life. I don't need one person calling every 3 hours to check on me. I don't want to sit around with my girlfriends and discuss the horribleness that is child birth, I do not want my money stolen and these are things people do on a daily basis (well not the money stolen part). I know there are good intentions behind each act though and I love all of my family, regardless. I also know this is my hormones trying to break free (but don't you dare blame them). Be patient with me and I will be patient with you.
While (if you have ever met a pregnant woman) you know it's not hard to do a few keys things to irritate her. I want to compile a blog post so we can nip this in the bud and allow all pregnant women everywhere to enjoy the final weeks of their pregnancy. Some of these I know are felt universally by most pregnant women and some will only pertain to my life. Regardless don't break the cardinal sins of pregnancy etiquette.
1. do not call and ask "have you had the baby yet?"
I can assure you when I do, someone will call you. This is especially true if you are a family member.
2.do not say "oh, I bet you must be miserable!"
Carrying around an extra person for the last 9 months has been a few things, but hearing that I am miserable and must be "dying for labor" is really annoying. Personally, I like having my son in my belly. NO amount of uncomfortableness will make me agree that I should just "be induced" out of convince.
3. do not tell me which days I can have him
Guess what? I am not in charge here. I can't work around your vacation, or work schedule, or when your dog is in a beauty pageant. The little guy floating in my belly is in charge, and he will come out when he is damn good and ready regardless of whether or not it fits into your schedule.
4. do not tell me "you should just be induced"
Um, women have been doing this for centuries. My body knows what my son needs and he knows when its time to gtfo. If he is still in there, he has a reason to be. Trust me.
5. dont blame things on the hormones
If you walk into my house and I am bawling on the floor, do NOT ask me if I am hormonal today. Simply hug me, say everything will be ok, and back away slowly. Only I can blame my raging hormones.
6. do not steal money out of my bank account
For the love of all things holy, we found a fake check on our bank account today. NOthing can be done about it till Monday. I am having this baby in two days (hopefully sooner), people. Do not make me go crazy on you.
7. Do not tell me about your L&D horror story
Oh hell no. Do not ever do this to a women who is less then a week from her due date. I do not want to hear about what part of your body hurt the worst, how many stitches you had, that your baby was born blue, or you comparing the pain to breaking 500 bones at once. I am well aware that something could go wrong, it's one of my greatest fears and bring up those fears repeatedly is not helping me.
8. when you think you have a witty pregnant comment, hold it in.
I have heard everything from "are you STILL pregnant?" to "you look like you swallowed a watermelon" I assure you that you are not funny. I know what I look like, thank you.
9. don't ask me if I am in labor yet.
If I stop walking because my kid headbutts my cervix, I can't breath due to the weight on my lungs, or I need a second to sit because I'm carrying around an extra 30 pounds, it does NOT mean I am in labor. It doesn't mean my water broke or that I am going to pop a baby out at any second. Don't ask, I can promise that you will know if I am having serious contractions.
10. Everything is fine in moderation
I know everyone around me is excited. Hell I am so excited, but this is my daily life. I don't need one person calling every 3 hours to check on me. I don't want to sit around with my girlfriends and discuss the horribleness that is child birth, I do not want my money stolen and these are things people do on a daily basis (well not the money stolen part). I know there are good intentions behind each act though and I love all of my family, regardless. I also know this is my hormones trying to break free (but don't you dare blame them). Be patient with me and I will be patient with you.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
40 weeks… Come on Walker!
40 weeks. I was never sure I would make it to this point.
I had my last doctors appointment today. I am still dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced. However, with my blood pressure still reaching mild hypertension my midwife decided it would be best to have him sooner rather then later. We go in Sunday at midnight to start cytotec and then they will break my water Monday morning.
While this is not the route I wanted to go (induction was never part of my plan), most importantly I will have a healthy baby in the end. Regardless of how he gets into the world, we are beyond ready to have him here.
The issue with an induction for me right now is being able to count down. I want labor to be this spontaneous "It time to go to the hospital" thing. If it wasn't for the high blood pressure I would be demanding that birth experience. Obviously, I need to make the best choice for both my baby and myself so we will be being induced (I will have my fingers crossed that I will go into labor on my own this weekend, but with the high blood pressure comes light bed rest. I'm not allowed to over exert myself.)
Here is my 40 week (and LAST) bump picture! I will take a picture on Sunday before we head to the hospital.
I had my last doctors appointment today. I am still dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced. However, with my blood pressure still reaching mild hypertension my midwife decided it would be best to have him sooner rather then later. We go in Sunday at midnight to start cytotec and then they will break my water Monday morning.
While this is not the route I wanted to go (induction was never part of my plan), most importantly I will have a healthy baby in the end. Regardless of how he gets into the world, we are beyond ready to have him here.
The issue with an induction for me right now is being able to count down. I want labor to be this spontaneous "It time to go to the hospital" thing. If it wasn't for the high blood pressure I would be demanding that birth experience. Obviously, I need to make the best choice for both my baby and myself so we will be being induced (I will have my fingers crossed that I will go into labor on my own this weekend, but with the high blood pressure comes light bed rest. I'm not allowed to over exert myself.)
Here is my 40 week (and LAST) bump picture! I will take a picture on Sunday before we head to the hospital.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
39 weeks and a minor freak out
I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be pregnant forever.
Realistically, I know that I am only 39 weeks pregnant. I don't even have room to start complaining yet. Honestly, I don't even know if I am 100% ready for labor. The idea is still really scary.
So, according to my charting skills my due date should be Oct. 23rd, my midwife wants to go off my last period date which makes my due date Oct. 21st. When we decided this at the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought "no biggie. It's only 2 days." Boy, was I wrong. Now that I am sitting at 39 weeks 1 day (39 weeks 3 days to her) the idea of an induction start looming over my head.
I.am.terrified.
At todays appointment, I was still 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced. I have had contractions all week and they have done nothing to help move this process along. I am feeling discouraged, beaten down, and downright irritated with my body.
I do not under any circumstances want to be induced. Those two days could make a lot of difference now! My midwife wants to induce me at 41 weeks. That is a week from Monday on here calendar. A WEEK AND A HALF. Sorry for the caps, but I am serious having a panic attack.
So I have a week and a half to get this child out. I turned to the internet for natural ways to induce labor. Here is the gist of what I found:
-sex
-walking
-castor oil (no, just no)
-red raspberry leaf tea
-Evening prim rose oil
-bouncing on a ball
-climbing stairs
-spicy food
Well, starting today I am on a mission to evict baby Walker as nicely as possible. I have been taking the prim rose oil for 2 weeks now and bouncing on a ball. A friend of mine gave me a recipe for a labor cake. I will make a post about that tomorrow, when I make it (I think it deserves it's own post).
It's not that I don't want Walker to bake for as long as possible, believe me I do. I want a healthy strong little boy. I just can't imagine having to be induced and I don't want to lose out on precious time just to be told next week that I am still 2cm and 70% effaced.
Also, I am well aware that those checks mean nothing. I can still go into labor tonight. However, I need to be proactive about this. I need to feel like I am helping my situation along and doing everything in my power to prevent being induced. It's okay to call me a control freak, I know I am one. As a matter of fact I can't stand that I don't know what day he is gonna be born on. That is entirely the control freak in me.
Do you know of a natural way to induce labor that I haven't listed? I would love to hear it!
Tomorrow starts operation outside baby. Wish me luck!
Realistically, I know that I am only 39 weeks pregnant. I don't even have room to start complaining yet. Honestly, I don't even know if I am 100% ready for labor. The idea is still really scary.
So, according to my charting skills my due date should be Oct. 23rd, my midwife wants to go off my last period date which makes my due date Oct. 21st. When we decided this at the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought "no biggie. It's only 2 days." Boy, was I wrong. Now that I am sitting at 39 weeks 1 day (39 weeks 3 days to her) the idea of an induction start looming over my head.
I.am.terrified.
At todays appointment, I was still 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced. I have had contractions all week and they have done nothing to help move this process along. I am feeling discouraged, beaten down, and downright irritated with my body.
I do not under any circumstances want to be induced. Those two days could make a lot of difference now! My midwife wants to induce me at 41 weeks. That is a week from Monday on here calendar. A WEEK AND A HALF. Sorry for the caps, but I am serious having a panic attack.
So I have a week and a half to get this child out. I turned to the internet for natural ways to induce labor. Here is the gist of what I found:
-sex
-walking
-castor oil (no, just no)
-red raspberry leaf tea
-Evening prim rose oil
-bouncing on a ball
-climbing stairs
-spicy food
Well, starting today I am on a mission to evict baby Walker as nicely as possible. I have been taking the prim rose oil for 2 weeks now and bouncing on a ball. A friend of mine gave me a recipe for a labor cake. I will make a post about that tomorrow, when I make it (I think it deserves it's own post).
It's not that I don't want Walker to bake for as long as possible, believe me I do. I want a healthy strong little boy. I just can't imagine having to be induced and I don't want to lose out on precious time just to be told next week that I am still 2cm and 70% effaced.
Also, I am well aware that those checks mean nothing. I can still go into labor tonight. However, I need to be proactive about this. I need to feel like I am helping my situation along and doing everything in my power to prevent being induced. It's okay to call me a control freak, I know I am one. As a matter of fact I can't stand that I don't know what day he is gonna be born on. That is entirely the control freak in me.
Do you know of a natural way to induce labor that I haven't listed? I would love to hear it!
Tomorrow starts operation outside baby. Wish me luck!
 |
| Possible last belly pic? Lets hope so! |
Monday, October 14, 2013
I am sick...
This is a vent post.
I am sick of people telling me when I can have this baby.
I am sick of being told that I am dumb for not wanting an epidural.
I am sick of having my parenting techniques questioned.
I am sick of being judged based off my birth plan.
I am sick of being uncomfortable when it comes time to fall asleep.
I am sick of feeling like an impatient person just waiting for something to happen.
I am sick of feel anxious.
I am sick of being nervous.
I feel like I am hitting a brick wall repeatedly
I am sick of feeling any of this
I am ready to be a mom.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
38 weeks
I am so behind on this weeks update.
I am 38 weeks and 4 days right now. Contractions are almost a daily thing at this point. We are trying to get little man to come whenever he is ready. At my doctors appointment I was dilated to a 2 and 70% effaced. We joked about me having the baby this weekend, clearly that isn't going to happen.
I am still on the fence about wanting him here. I want him here, but at the same time I like having him right below my heart. I can't imagine a safer place for him. I am also terrified of all the things that come along with becoming a mother. I can't wait to hold my baby boy, but I am in no rush to force him out.
This weekend was also the OU vs Texas game. OU was favored to win by 14 points, yet the unthinkable happened. We lose to the longhorn 36-20. I don't do well with my team losing, and I am still a little bitter about it. I think it's because I didn't wear an OU shirt yesterday (none of them fit me, next child I will be investing in an OU maternity shirt).
At this point, I am going to guess there will be a week 39 photo. We have decided to not induce until 41 weeks, so a little over 2 weeks tops!
I am 38 weeks and 4 days right now. Contractions are almost a daily thing at this point. We are trying to get little man to come whenever he is ready. At my doctors appointment I was dilated to a 2 and 70% effaced. We joked about me having the baby this weekend, clearly that isn't going to happen.
I am still on the fence about wanting him here. I want him here, but at the same time I like having him right below my heart. I can't imagine a safer place for him. I am also terrified of all the things that come along with becoming a mother. I can't wait to hold my baby boy, but I am in no rush to force him out.
This weekend was also the OU vs Texas game. OU was favored to win by 14 points, yet the unthinkable happened. We lose to the longhorn 36-20. I don't do well with my team losing, and I am still a little bitter about it. I think it's because I didn't wear an OU shirt yesterday (none of them fit me, next child I will be investing in an OU maternity shirt).
Friday, October 4, 2013
37 weeks
Woah. Full term... FULL TERM! How is that even possible? There is no way I have been pregnant for over 9 months.
I have been the luckiest pregnant women in the world, I swear. I never got morning sickness, I never felt uncomfortable. I haven't taken any trips to L&D or had any unexplained bleeding. Everything has been absolutely perfect and as if I could as for anything else, I still enjoy being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am dying to meet my son. I can't wait to physically hold him in my arms, but I am enjoying having him roll around inside of me. I am aware that I will never get this time back and I refuse to wish it away.
We had our weekly doctor appointment yesterday. Everything checked out and unfortunately there has been no change since last week. I am increasing my dosage of evening primrose oil and picking up the walking a bit. It's not that I want to get him out fast, I just want to avoid being induced. If I can convince him to start showing a few more signs that he plans to come sometime in the next three weeks, I will leave him alone to cook as long as he wants.
We are very fortunate that Ben has managed to save up some vacation days. He will stay home with us for a week after we deliver. I am so glad he gets to spend some one on one time with Walker as well. I know he is jealous that I get to stay home with him for the next year. I am making it my mission that he feels as included as I can make him in everything we do at home. Ben has been working serious amounts of overtime lately to ensure that we will have everything we need for a few weeks once little man is here. I really don't think I tell him enough how much we appreciate the things he does for this family. He really is the rock that holds everything together.
As for everything else, I have the Tulsa Zoo Run tomorrow. We (best friend and I) are only doing the one mile fun run, but being as pregnant as I am (and the high is only 64 tomorrow!) I don't want to over do it. I am really excited about it though. I think we will have a blast.
I am still thinking Walker will be born on the 19th. I don't know why, but that date sticks in my head. I was right about his gender so maybe mommy intuition won't fail me this time either ;)
I have been the luckiest pregnant women in the world, I swear. I never got morning sickness, I never felt uncomfortable. I haven't taken any trips to L&D or had any unexplained bleeding. Everything has been absolutely perfect and as if I could as for anything else, I still enjoy being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am dying to meet my son. I can't wait to physically hold him in my arms, but I am enjoying having him roll around inside of me. I am aware that I will never get this time back and I refuse to wish it away.
We had our weekly doctor appointment yesterday. Everything checked out and unfortunately there has been no change since last week. I am increasing my dosage of evening primrose oil and picking up the walking a bit. It's not that I want to get him out fast, I just want to avoid being induced. If I can convince him to start showing a few more signs that he plans to come sometime in the next three weeks, I will leave him alone to cook as long as he wants.
We are very fortunate that Ben has managed to save up some vacation days. He will stay home with us for a week after we deliver. I am so glad he gets to spend some one on one time with Walker as well. I know he is jealous that I get to stay home with him for the next year. I am making it my mission that he feels as included as I can make him in everything we do at home. Ben has been working serious amounts of overtime lately to ensure that we will have everything we need for a few weeks once little man is here. I really don't think I tell him enough how much we appreciate the things he does for this family. He really is the rock that holds everything together.
As for everything else, I have the Tulsa Zoo Run tomorrow. We (best friend and I) are only doing the one mile fun run, but being as pregnant as I am (and the high is only 64 tomorrow!) I don't want to over do it. I am really excited about it though. I think we will have a blast.
I am still thinking Walker will be born on the 19th. I don't know why, but that date sticks in my head. I was right about his gender so maybe mommy intuition won't fail me this time either ;)
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Countdown to baby!
Tomorrow marks 37 weeks! 21 days till Walker is due!
I have Walker's bag all packed and ready to go, and the car seat is installed in my car. Now I just need one more thing....
my hospital bag.
Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I won't pack my hospital bag. Everyday I wake up thinking "Today, I will finally pack it!" Never happens. After two weeks with many failed attempts, I have given this some thought.
I don't want to pack my hospital bag because that is the final step. We are completely ready for baby boy in every way. We have all the necessities and I can't wait to meet him, but I am terrified.
I am scared of labor, meeting him and not feeling that instant connection, and not being able to be the mother I have built up in my mind. Once I pack my hospital bag, it means it go time. I'm just not ready for that step. I am well aware that I could go into labor at any point, but I still feel secure in knowing that I haven't and probably won't at least for a few more weeks.
I know he will come regardless of whether or not I have a hospital bag, but this is the only sense of control that I have. I can't control when he will be born or how he will be born, but I can control when I pack my hospital bag. For a control freak like me, that is enough for now.
I have Walker's bag all packed and ready to go, and the car seat is installed in my car. Now I just need one more thing....
my hospital bag.
Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I won't pack my hospital bag. Everyday I wake up thinking "Today, I will finally pack it!" Never happens. After two weeks with many failed attempts, I have given this some thought.
I don't want to pack my hospital bag because that is the final step. We are completely ready for baby boy in every way. We have all the necessities and I can't wait to meet him, but I am terrified.
I am scared of labor, meeting him and not feeling that instant connection, and not being able to be the mother I have built up in my mind. Once I pack my hospital bag, it means it go time. I'm just not ready for that step. I am well aware that I could go into labor at any point, but I still feel secure in knowing that I haven't and probably won't at least for a few more weeks.
I know he will come regardless of whether or not I have a hospital bag, but this is the only sense of control that I have. I can't control when he will be born or how he will be born, but I can control when I pack my hospital bag. For a control freak like me, that is enough for now.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
36 weeks
WHOO! 4 weeks left! I can see the finish line.
We started weekly check ups today. I had my group B strep test and my first cervical exam.
Let me start off by saying, I was terrified for my first cervical exam. Everything on the internet said how bad it was going to hurt, how terrible I would feel afterwards. Some women even said it was worse then labor! Lets just say I was freaking out.
When I got there I had the group B strep test, no biggie. After which we did the cervical exam, piece. of. cake. Now is it something I would want to do on a daily basis? No. If someone said "Hey lets go out for drinks this weekend and then have cervical exams." I would probably turn them down, but it wasn't terrible. It was about the equivalent of a pap smear (awkward? yes. Painful? no). I am dilated to a 1, 50% effaced, and -3 station. She said I am doing great for a first time mom at 36weeks.
This leads me to a new topic, the internet and pregnancy. Who in their right mind let pregnant women have access to the internet? I told my husband today that we needed to turn off our wifi. I need to stop googling and just relax. Every little ache and pain leads me to Dr. google and he almost always leads me astray.
The problem is I like information. Have you seen What to Expect when your expecting? I would love to have access to that brochure wall. I love research and knowing exactly what I am looking at. I'm not dumb. I know when I have a cramp its probably not preterm labor, but I still like to research and triple check what other women experience. I like to think the only reason I haven't made a bazillion trips to L&D is because of Dr. Google (even though his info is usually wrong. You have to dig for the good stuff). So you have to take the good with the bad when it comes to information.
We started weekly check ups today. I had my group B strep test and my first cervical exam.
Let me start off by saying, I was terrified for my first cervical exam. Everything on the internet said how bad it was going to hurt, how terrible I would feel afterwards. Some women even said it was worse then labor! Lets just say I was freaking out.
When I got there I had the group B strep test, no biggie. After which we did the cervical exam, piece. of. cake. Now is it something I would want to do on a daily basis? No. If someone said "Hey lets go out for drinks this weekend and then have cervical exams." I would probably turn them down, but it wasn't terrible. It was about the equivalent of a pap smear (awkward? yes. Painful? no). I am dilated to a 1, 50% effaced, and -3 station. She said I am doing great for a first time mom at 36weeks.
This leads me to a new topic, the internet and pregnancy. Who in their right mind let pregnant women have access to the internet? I told my husband today that we needed to turn off our wifi. I need to stop googling and just relax. Every little ache and pain leads me to Dr. google and he almost always leads me astray.
The problem is I like information. Have you seen What to Expect when your expecting? I would love to have access to that brochure wall. I love research and knowing exactly what I am looking at. I'm not dumb. I know when I have a cramp its probably not preterm labor, but I still like to research and triple check what other women experience. I like to think the only reason I haven't made a bazillion trips to L&D is because of Dr. Google (even though his info is usually wrong. You have to dig for the good stuff). So you have to take the good with the bad when it comes to information.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Sleep? What is sleep?
Yup. It's that time again. Night time.
For as tired as I am during the day, as soon as 9pm hits I sit on this computer wide awake not knowing if I will ever be able to sleep. When you are awake for this long, you can't help but feel some anxiety.
I have a million questions in my head. How will we afford this new lifestyle? It is so important to me to stay at home with Walker for the first year of his life. I believe he deserves that time. But, with me staying at home, we are going to be living on a very strict budget. That isn't the problem though. I just can't allow myself to let go of the anxiety of the situation.
I worry that I won't be any good at this. I don't know how to be someone's mother. I am so terrified.
I am terrified of labor. I didn't expect to be this scared. I have built up this terrible idea of what labor will be life in my head. I am scared I will fail at going natural and I won't be as strong as I want to be.
This was a venting post to be honest. I needed to type out my fears and I chose to post them here just in case other moms out there have been there, who want to offer advice. These are the fears that keep me awake at night.
For as tired as I am during the day, as soon as 9pm hits I sit on this computer wide awake not knowing if I will ever be able to sleep. When you are awake for this long, you can't help but feel some anxiety.
I have a million questions in my head. How will we afford this new lifestyle? It is so important to me to stay at home with Walker for the first year of his life. I believe he deserves that time. But, with me staying at home, we are going to be living on a very strict budget. That isn't the problem though. I just can't allow myself to let go of the anxiety of the situation.
I worry that I won't be any good at this. I don't know how to be someone's mother. I am so terrified.
I am terrified of labor. I didn't expect to be this scared. I have built up this terrible idea of what labor will be life in my head. I am scared I will fail at going natural and I won't be as strong as I want to be.
This was a venting post to be honest. I needed to type out my fears and I chose to post them here just in case other moms out there have been there, who want to offer advice. These are the fears that keep me awake at night.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Friday Letters
Dear weather, I am in love. Thank goodness it feels like fall today! Finally I can break out the sweaters and scarves. Dear house, how do you keep getting so dirty? I don't feel like we get this messy every day, but somehow I have to continually clean you. Where is it all coming from? Dear Walker, I adore your movements (just not at 4am). Please stay put for a few more weeks. Mommy doesn't want you coming until you are big and strong and ready to face the world. Dear pregnancy, I am just about over you. Between the back aches, the Braxton hicks, the heartburn, and the inability to breath lets just say I am ready for sleepless night due to holding my baby instead of being uncomfortable. Dear husband, you work so hard to support this family. I don't think I tell you nearly enough how much we appreciate that. You are the most amazing person for putting up with me these last few weeks. I really got lucky in the spouse department.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
35 weeks
Holy moley I am 35 weeks pregnant! I have 33 days until my little man is due.
How far along? 35 weeks WHOO HOO!
Size of baby? the size of a coconut
Maternity clothes? Yes! My nonmaternity shirts no longer fit.
Stretch marks? Oh yeah. My stomach is going to look like a road map. He is definitely leaving me with the marks of a mother.
Sleep: Sleep? Whats sleep?
Best moment this week: We had our shower last Saturday. Plus I get to feel little man man move everyday.
Miss Anything? Sleep, feeling comfortable in my own body.
Movement: Oh, yes. I love it.
Food cravings: None really.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Over that luckily.
Symptoms: Heartburn, Acid reflux, inability to sleep, cramping, braxton hicks.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy. I have been a little weepy.
Gender: A BOY!
Labor Signs: Pretty intense Braxton Hicks. I don't think he is coming before his due date though.
Belly Button in or out? In, but very shallow
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: I start cervical checks next week (not exactly looking forward to that), but I do start weekly appointments! That means we are getting close to D day!
How far along? 35 weeks WHOO HOO!
Size of baby? the size of a coconut
Maternity clothes? Yes! My nonmaternity shirts no longer fit.
Stretch marks? Oh yeah. My stomach is going to look like a road map. He is definitely leaving me with the marks of a mother.
Sleep: Sleep? Whats sleep?
Best moment this week: We had our shower last Saturday. Plus I get to feel little man man move everyday.
Miss Anything? Sleep, feeling comfortable in my own body.
Movement: Oh, yes. I love it.
Food cravings: None really.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Over that luckily.
Symptoms: Heartburn, Acid reflux, inability to sleep, cramping, braxton hicks.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy. I have been a little weepy.
Gender: A BOY!
Labor Signs: Pretty intense Braxton Hicks. I don't think he is coming before his due date though.
Belly Button in or out? In, but very shallow
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: I start cervical checks next week (not exactly looking forward to that), but I do start weekly appointments! That means we are getting close to D day!
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| I cut my hair off this week! I thought it would be easier to care for when W gets here :) |
Monday, September 16, 2013
Coupons for the modern housewife
Since I quit my job 3 weeks ago I want to help make an impact by reducing our grocery bill. Now I'm not extreme couponer, but I have managed to save $15-$30 each time I went grocery shopping so far. I use wal-mart price matching to help get me some really good deals (10 personal pan pizza for $10, who can beat that?). I am trying to get into the actual couponing part though. I haven't yet used any coupons during my shopping trips and I think it's because I am slightly intimidated. I'm not sure how to start looking for coupons. What sites? How do the policies work? etc.
So thats what this post is about. If you or someone you know is awesome at couponing please send me a link to their blog. I am very interested in starting this process I just need to know where to start.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Baby shower
We had our baby shower yesterday! We chose a Dr. Seuss theme for the shower. It was such a blast. We received everything we will need for the first few months of Walker's birth. Our little family is incredibly blessed.
We themed all the food (I loved the three cheese tree and truffula fruit haha). It was absolutely amazing and I have my little sister and best friend to thank for it.
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