Well technically today since I can't sleep! We have our first appointment tomorrow at 1:30 and I am a nervous wreck. For the last 4 weeks I have dreamed that I woke up covered in blood or that when I get to the ultrasound there won't be a heartbeat. I am terrified that my baby won't have a heartbeat. As excited as I am to see him on the screen, I can't shake this feeling.
I'm not really sure what to expect tomorrow. I am so ready to have it done and over with though. I'm like 90% sure they are going to take blood, which is not a good thing for me. I have a terrible phobia with blood and just knowing it is in the same room as me can cause me to faint. I usually burst into tears as soon as I see a nurse with a needle. I am such a baby.
I'll be sure to update when we have an ultrasound picture. I keep trying to look up the statistics and know what my chances of not finding a heartbeat are, but everything I read is less than reassuring. I know that God is in control, but I'm really just having a hard time with this one. I want this baby. I already love this baby. I can't "just get pregnant again" like everyone says when I mention my fear of miscarriage because it wont be THIS baby. Lord, I know you are all controlling and you have my best interest at heart. Please help me to calm my thoughts and give me the strength to lay this at your feet. Amen.
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