Tomorrow marks 37 weeks! 21 days till Walker is due!
I have Walker's bag all packed and ready to go, and the car seat is installed in my car. Now I just need one more thing....
my hospital bag.
Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, but I won't pack my hospital bag. Everyday I wake up thinking "Today, I will finally pack it!" Never happens. After two weeks with many failed attempts, I have given this some thought.
I don't want to pack my hospital bag because that is the final step. We are completely ready for baby boy in every way. We have all the necessities and I can't wait to meet him, but I am terrified.
I am scared of labor, meeting him and not feeling that instant connection, and not being able to be the mother I have built up in my mind. Once I pack my hospital bag, it means it go time. I'm just not ready for that step. I am well aware that I could go into labor at any point, but I still feel secure in knowing that I haven't and probably won't at least for a few more weeks.
I know he will come regardless of whether or not I have a hospital bag, but this is the only sense of control that I have. I can't control when he will be born or how he will be born, but I can control when I pack my hospital bag. For a control freak like me, that is enough for now.
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